A child cries when a parent leaves, grabs a toy from a friend, shouts when a block tower falls, or retreats when a classroom feels too busy. To adults, these may look like behavior problems. For young children, however, behavior is often an attempt to communicate a feeling they cannot yet name.
That is why identifying emotions is our school-wide social-emotional focus for August at Home For Your Heart School. Before children can manage their emotions, solve conflicts, or understand someone else’s point of view, they must first begin to recognize what they are feeling.
Learning With the Help of Caring Adults
Emotional regulation is not something young children are expected to master on their own. They first experience co-regulation, which is the support of a calm, caring adult who helps them feel safe, understand what is happening, and decide what to do next.
A teacher might say:
- “You wanted the truck, and you are disappointed that someone else is using it.”
- “Your body looks very excited. Let’s slow down together.”
- “You are angry, but I will not let you hit. Let’s find another way to show me.”
- “That did not go the way you wanted. We can try again.”
These responses do not excuse unsafe or unkind behavior. Instead, they help children understand the feeling underneath the behavior while teaching them a more appropriate way to respond.
What This Looks Like in Our Classrooms
At school, children practice identifying emotions throughout the day, not only during a scheduled lesson. Teachers use photographs, mirrors, books, songs, visual supports, conversations, and real classroom experiences to introduce feeling words.
Children may practice looking at a face and noticing its expression, comparing how different emotions look, or thinking about how a friend might feel. Teachers also help children use words during play, wait for a turn, ask for help, offer comfort, and return to a situation after something has gone wrong.
The words and expectations will look different across our age groups. A younger child may begin by recognizing “happy,” “sad,” or “mad.” An older preschooler may be ready to understand words such as “frustrated,” “worried,” “disappointed,” “proud,” or “left out.”
Mistakes Are Part of the Work
Young children are still developing the brain skills needed to pause, control impulses, communicate clearly, and consider another person’s perspective. Even when a child knows what to do, they will not always be able to do it in the middle of a difficult moment.
They may grab before asking, yell instead of explaining, or knock something down when frustration takes over. These mistakes are not interruptions to social-emotional learning. They are often where the most meaningful learning begins.
With adult guidance, children can practice making things right. They can return a toy, help rebuild a tower, check on a friend, offer an apology, or try their words again. A “do-over” teaches children that mistakes do not define them and that relationships can be repaired.
Extending the Learning at Home
Families can reinforce these skills without creating a formal lesson. Look for natural opportunities to build emotional language and practice repair:
- Use specific feeling words. Instead of only saying “upset,” consider whether your child may be frustrated, embarrassed, nervous, disappointed, lonely, or overwhelmed.
- Offer a do-over. When a moment goes poorly, calmly ask, “Would you like to try that again with different words?”
- Look at family photographs. Talk about what people may have been feeling in the picture and what clues helped you decide.
- Separate feelings from actions. Remind your child, “You can feel angry, but you may not hurt someone.”
- Practice repairing relationships. Help your child think beyond simply saying “sorry.” Ask, “What could we do to help?” or “How can we make this better?”
- Make room for more than one feeling. Children can feel excited about school and still miss home. They can love a sibling and feel angry with them. Mixed emotions are normal.
- Notice caring actions. Point out moments when your child includes someone, offers comfort, waits, helps, or recognizes another person’s feelings.
From “Me” to “We”
Identifying emotions is about more than helping an individual child calm down. It is part of learning how to live, play, and work alongside other people.
When children understand their own feelings, they become better able to communicate their needs. When they begin recognizing feelings in others, they can develop empathy. Those skills help children form friendships, navigate disagreements, include others, and contribute to a caring classroom community.
We are not expecting emotionally perfect one-, two-, three-, four-, or five-year-olds. We are helping children take their earliest steps toward becoming emotionally aware, increasingly regulated, and empathy-driven people. These small classroom moments become the foundation for how they will one day treat classmates, family members, coworkers, neighbors, and members of their wider community.
Books to Share
- The Rabbit Listened by Cori Doerrfeld
- In My Heart: A Book of Feelings by Jo Witek
- The Color Monster by Anna Llenas
- The Way I Feel by Janan Cain
- The Feelings Book by Todd Parr
- When Sophie Gets Angry, Really, Really Angry… by Molly Bang
- Grumpy Monkey by Suzanne Lang
- The Boy with Big, Big Feelings by Britney Winn Lee